(INTRO)

NOW A QUESTION:

WHAT HAVE HERBERT HOOVER, ART LINKLETTER, JACK LONDON, AND RICHARD NIXON ALL HAVE IN COMMON? WELL, THEY HAVE ALL BEEN MEMBERS OF THE EXCLUSIVE ALL-MALE BOHEMIAN CLUB, IN CALIFORNIA.
WHERE EVERY YEAR AT THIS TIME THE ELITE FROM AROUND THE COUNTRY GET TOGETHER FOR TWO AND A HALF WEEKS OF A... FUN AND GAMES.

GEMINEYE—HAS THIS SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT REPORT.

(VERSE 1)

A NONESSENTIAL ELITE
PRESIDENTIAL RETREAT;
CONFIDENTIAL DISCREET
MONUMENTAL DECEIT.
THEY’RE NOT GENTLE OR SWEET;
MORE THAN MENTAL DEFEAT
ONCE YOU ENTER YOUR SEAT,
WELL, NOW YOU’RE IN FOR A TREAT.

THE CREMATION OF CARE
TO THE CREATION OF FEAR;
THIS LOCATION IS WHERE
THEY VACATION EACH YEAR.
MY FRUSTRATION I SWEAR
IS FOR THE WHOLE NATION TO HEAR;
MY DONATION TO YOUR EAR IS:
WORLD DOMINATION IS NEAR.

LISTEN!

WEALTHY AND WELL-PLACED ARE THESE SNAKE-EYED HAWKS;
UNHEALTHY AND PALE-FACED AT THEIR LAKE-SIDE TALKS.
I’VE COME TO WARN YA: THEY COVER THEIR HEADS WITH HOODS,
AND DANCE AROUND NAKED IN CALIFORNIA'S REDWOODS.

A GENTLEMAN’S CLUB EQUIPPED WITH GOOD DRINKS AND TABLE SHOWS;
PANT LEGS ROLLED UP, HOODWINKS, AND CABLE TOWS. MOCK SACRIFICES TO MOLOCH,
ALCOHOLICS FROLIC;
POLITICAL FALSE PROPHETS
COME TO PICK-POCKET YOUR WALLET.

(HOOK)

(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO CONTROLS THE BRITISH CROWN?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO KEEPS THE METRIC SYSTEM DOWN?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)
WE DO, WE DO.
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)

(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO KEEPS ATLANTIS OFF THE MAPS?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO KEEPS THE MARTIANS UNDER WRAPS?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)
WE DO, WE DO.
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)

(VERSE 2)

EACH YEAR BONES MEMBERSHIP GROWS BY FIFTEEN; EVIDENCE THAT COULD BURY PRESIDENTS IF SEEN. THERE’LL BE MORE THAN REGRETS IF ONE OF THEIR SECRETS GETS TOLD;
THERE WILL BE MORE THREATS AS THE LAST CIGARETTE GETS ROLLED.

YOU MUST HAVE PLENTY OF MONEY TO ENTER THE "WINDOWLESS TOMB";
THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-TWO—NOT MANY HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS ROOM.
TRUST ME, THE ORDER OF DEATH AMOUNTS TO MORE THAN MASONS:
TRILATERAL COMMISSION, COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS.

LISTEN!

I’VE COME TO PAINT A PORTRAIT OF A PICTURE SCARY; IT'S LIKE A EUGENICS PROJECT, THE WAY THEY INTERMARRY.
SCRIPTURES VARY, BUT MANY SAY THAT IT'S JUST A MIRAGE;
MADE THEIR MONEY OFF THE SLAVE TRADE AND ESPIONAGE.

ASK THE PAPARAZZI: FATHER GEORGE'S POPS WAS A NAZI. CLEAR THE SMOKE AND YOU’LL FIND OLD FOLKS CLOAKED IN VERSACE.
WATCH ME:
EXPOSE THOSE THAT CHOSE A LOUSY COPY
OF A GERMAN FRATERNITY FINANCED BY THE DROWSY POPPY.

(HOOK)

(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO CONTROLS THE BRITISH CROWN?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO KEEPS THE METRIC SYSTEM DOWN?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)
WE DO, WE DO.
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)

(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO KEEPS ATLANTIS OFF THE MAPS?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME WHO!)
WHO KEEPS THE MARTIANS UNDER WRAPS?
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)
WE DO, WE DO.
(WHO? TELL ME WHO! TELL ME TELL ME WHO!)

(OUTRO DIALOGUE)

(SECRET SOCIETY)

REPORTER: YOU WERE BOTH IN SKULL AND BONES, A SECRET SOCIETY...

GEORGE BUSH JR.: IT’S SO SECRET WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT.

REPORTER: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR AMERICANS? THE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS ARE GOING TO GO NUTS.

GEORGE BUSH JR.: I’M SURE THEY ARE. I HAVEN’T SEEN THE WEB NUMBERS YET.

REPORTER: NUMBER 3-2-2.

GEORGE BUSH JR.: HAHAHA.

REPORTER: ARE YOU PREPARED TO LOSE?

GEORGE BUSH JR.: NO, I’M NOT GOING TO LOSE.

(SECRET SOCIETY)

REPORTER: YOU WERE BOTH MEMBERS OF SKULL AND BONES, A SECRET SOCIETY IN YALE. WHAT DOES THAT TELL US?

JOHN KERRY: NOT MUCH, BECAUSE IT’S A SECRET. HAHAHA.

REPORTER: IS THERE A SECRET HANDSHAKE? IS THERE A SECRET CODE?

JOHN KERRY: THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF SECRETS THAT I COULD MANIFEST. HAHAHA.

REPORTER: THREE TWENTY-TWO—A SECRET NUMBER?

JOHN KERRY: IT’S A SECRET.

GEORGE BUSH JR.: WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT.

REPORTER: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR AMERICANS?

BILL CLINTON: DID YOU SAY THE BOHEMIAN CLUB? THAT’S WHERE ALL THOSE RICH REPUBLICANS GO OFF AND STAND NAKED AGAINST REDWOOD TREES, RIGHT?

(CROWD LAUGHTER)